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that new post button is too tempting to click. so i caved and clicked it. cut me a break, i haven't done this in a while, it's a little bit of a thrill, even though what i'll type is probably a whole bunch of sappy, sad bullshit. wait, no. it's not bullshit. it's the truth. it's just that sometimes the truth is so shitty that the only way to describe it is shit. pure and utter shit. bla bla bla....

i want a companion. i'm in NEED of a companion. no, that makes me sound desperate. i don't just need any companion. i need a man. someone who i know will take care of me 'till the very end. someone who will love me inside and out, both verbally and..nounally? <------someone who won't make fun of me for shit like that. why does it seem so hard to find that nowadays? i'm not picky, my standards aren't too high. all i ask for is a sweetheart who knows how to love, or at least is willing to learn. but as each day goes by it starts to become more and more unrealistic to continue believing the old "he's out there" saying. who is out there? and how do we know? is there some "great oz" out there who knows every soul out there, tests out some compatibilities at random with two, and reserves them for each other later on down the road? that they'll one day just casually, accidentally, randomly bump in to each other in the street and the sparks will instantly fly? wait, what am i thinking, how dare i question the presence of a higher power than us. God is so much greater than that damn oz. but not everyone dies in the arms of their lover. what about the people who die alone against their own will? it's not like they planned it that way. i'm sure they wanted someone too, like the rest of us. everybody needs someone sometime, and no one in this world ever has or ever will deserve to spend the rest of their life alone. it's just scary, wondering if he really will come along. i just feel like i've got so much love to give and so much compassion and appreciation and happiness to share, i would hate for it just to stay with me forever. we can show all those things in our normal everyday lives in small, simple, subtle ways, like helping out those in need, being there for a friend, and showing any sort of appreciation to those who deserve it most. but in the end, we all want someone to come home to at the end of a rough day, or someones shoulder to rest our head on. it just is a bit frightening realizing that something as simple as that is asking for too much.