Some of the most beautiful people on earth.

A severe case of Senioritis

Senioritis, from the word senior plus the suffix -itis (which refers to inflammation but in colloquial speech is assumed to mean an illness), is a colloquial term used in the United States to describe the decreased motivation toward studies displayed by students who are nearing the end of their middle school, high school or college careers.

I'm not overwhelmed, that's too dramatic. And I'm definately not underwhelmed - that would be an understatement. I'd say its more of a...whelm. Just a simple whelm. Like how in 10 Things I Hate About You...except I'm not in Europe or whatever. Now that school is getting a little tougher and college applications are coming up and SATs and plus the fact that life itself is slowly falling back into its millions and zillions of jigsaw pieces, you'd think things were getting easier from here on out. But in reality, things are just getting even more complicated. It's not a state of depression or anything, I think everyone else is starting to feel it too. We've actually got responsibilities now and things we have to do to start planning for the future, and to us it all seems like everything is happening all at one time, when really, it all happens with great timing.

Another symptom of the deadly case of Senioritis - regret. I never thought I'd feel this way, no matter how many times Mom told me I would, but I really, REALLY wish I would have stuck with all the sports I had played my freshmen year. The more volleyball games I go to, the more I wish I was out there too. I feel like I belong out there or something. And sure, I wasn't this star volleyball or basketball player, and maybe you wouldn't read my name in the newspaper every week..and yes, maybe I wasn't the one getting scouted since my freshmen year...but it was FUN. And I can't believe that I gave it up.

And now that I regret that about the 2 sports that weren't particularly my favorite, I'm beginning to wonder if this is how I'll feel at the end of my last softball season this year. I probably will..which brings me to the self-debate of whether or not to play in college.

Ahhhhhh...things seem so crazy , and it's not even the end of the year! All thanks to the contagious case of Senioritis. Sigh..

Day numero uno

Well well well...I told myself I would never turn to blogging as a form of venting; it was just never for me. Ha, seems as though my plans are falling out of place already. I'm not even really sure how to do this "blogging," to me it has always seemed as an electronic diary, except for the fact that it is fully and forever exposed to the cyber-world...hmmm. Am I wrong? Maybe. Am I crazy for falling into the darkened pit of blogging? Possibly. Am I planning on continuing this terrible habit?

Yes.

I guess. We shall see.

Lately things have just seemed like a blur. Everything I do or say is just because I have to, never because I want to. I feel as though I have no control anymore over the things I used to be on top of; the only thing I can control anymore are my thoughts. I've been living on the outside. I sit there and observe and think, then observe some more. And then think some more. My day no longer consists of the things it used to - everything now seems too routine.

Mom's breathing down my neck, but what else is new. And I know that she every right to, but the fact that I'm in the process of change is making it all the more frustrating. In this case, good intentions are not enough. I'm not sure, maybe I should just show up to the house everyday with a Big Mac in one hand and chocolate shake in the other? Just to convince her that I'm okay.

On a more positive note...

The 18-month old chain that has been holding us back has finally been broken (knock on wood). And honestly?...I have never felt more relieved/happy in my entire life (knock on wood...again). Not to sound a little over dramatic, but I feel like I can actually breathe again. A milllllllllllion-pound weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, and frankly...it's the best feeling in the world.

And on another positive note...

I've set some goals for myself that I've so been holding up so far. And lemme tell ya...I'm doing damn well good. I've got an image of how I want things to be, including myself, and the road to it so far is bump-free. And to make it even better, this image actually has rosy cheeks and puke-free breath.

I miss Myles.

...A lot.

That is all.