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"facebook official"

pardon my language (not that i'm out of control, but i'm trying to clean it up a bit), but fuck that phrase. why do i even care? that's what i'm wondering. i wake up every morning thinking i'm better, and that i don't care. the apathy is slowly wearing off. or can something wear off when it's not even there at all? i don't like this, that's pretty much all i can say. do i care? or is this just a different phase in the whole healing process? too many unanswered questions, why can't i ever seen to escape those, even when he's gone?

"wearing my heart on my sleeve has become just a touch too messy for me"

such an accurate, accurate phrase. on a more personal level of course. i really do feel like i seem to just put myself out on the playing field (whatever that is) again (or was i ever on there to begin with?), and the actions or signs of interest are never reciprocated. is there something wrong with me that i'm unaware of? did something change that made people not like me anymore? that sounds like such a superficial and needy and dependent sentence, but have i seriously become one of those three? all of those three? why is it that nice people really do finish last? have ALL cliches really come true? or am i not nice enough to be classified as the "nice" in that sentence? now that i think about it, maybe i am being a little ridiculous when i question whether or not i will find someone who will love me endlessly for the rest of my life, considering that i'm only 19 years old - i've got so much life ahead of me (knock on wood). or at least i'm expected to. and to break it down even more, it really does just take one moment in time for you to meet that one person. the question remains, though, how do you know if they're "the one?" god, i'm rambling. i never once understood the concept one one wearing their heart on their sleeve, and now that i do, it applies to me completely. maybe i was never meant to understand it at all.